The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
