K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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