I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He has the fingertips of a God
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