no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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