May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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