He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
