we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
