The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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