look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
