Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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