He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
