It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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