Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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