Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
