i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
