He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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