Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
