I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
