We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
