Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
