Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
