How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
