The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
