I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
