Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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