Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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