how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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