Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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