So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
