lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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