I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
