I think my fart just growled at me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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