Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
