Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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