those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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