i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Randomize
