he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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