Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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