I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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