I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
