apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
