My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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