I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
