so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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