I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
