ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dick very happy bro
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
