Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
