Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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