Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
