The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I AM VODKA MAN
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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