I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its about making memories worth repressing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
