ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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